Ask what the scope of your search actually is, and get the answer in writing before you pay. Scope means the geography, the age range, the qualities that matter and the ones that do not, the length of the program, and what the firm needs from you to start. Almost every dispute in this business traces back to a scope nobody wrote down.
Everything below is a question you can read out on a call. A firm worth hiring will answer all of them without hesitating.
On this page
- What is the scope of the search?
- Who will actually run your search?
- What counts as an introduction under the contract?
- Is there a refund if the search does not work out?
- What is verified about a candidate, and what is self reported?
- Is there a success fee on top of the retainer?
- Warning signs at any price
What Is the Scope of the Search?
Scope is the agreement about who is being looked for and for how long. It is the single thing most worth pinning down, because it is the thing both sides assume they already agree on.
A scope that has been properly agreed covers the geography, the age range, the preferences that are genuinely firm, the qualities that matter, and where faith, family and lifestyle sit in the picture. It also covers the ones you are flexible on, which is just as useful to the person doing the searching.
Then the term. How long does the program run, and what is the expected pace of introductions inside it?
And then the part clients forget to ask about, which is what the firm needs from you. Being date ready is part of the deal. That can mean current photographs, a look at what you wear on a first date, some coaching on how you come across on a first call, and a written brief used to introduce you to other people. Read that brief before it goes anywhere and make sure you agree with it, because it is how you will be described to every candidate.
Last, agree what you get to know about a match before you meet. There is no standard here. Firms differ, and so do clients.
Who Will Actually Run Your Search?
Ask for a name, and ask whether that person will be on your calls. The person who sells you the engagement is very often not the person who does the work, and that is the most common source of buyer disappointment in this business.
Here is how it usually works. Larger agencies have a recruiter or a sales consultant whose job is to bring clients in. That is common, and it is a different role from boutique practices, where the person you meet first is usually the person you get. The client is then handed to a matchmaker, and that matchmaker may hand the database searching to a team member.
None of that is a problem in itself. A team member pulling candidate lists is normal and efficient. What matters is that the matchmaker reviews the candidates themselves before anything reaches you. If nobody senior has looked at a person before you are asked to give up an evening, you are being sent a query result.
Ask this: who by name will run my search, will they be on my calls, and will they personally review every candidate before I see them? Then get it in writing. A firm that is fine with the arrangement will have no trouble putting it on paper. It is only a bad surprise when it is a surprise.
What Counts as an Introduction Under the Contract?
This is where the gap between what you bought and what you receive usually opens. If your contract promises eight introductions, the definition of that word is worth more than the number.
Generally an introduction means a date that happens, ideally in person. A video or phone call sometimes counts, particularly at the start of a multi city search. What it should not mean is a name passed along.
There is one exception worth knowing about. Some firms write in a clause where a set number of candidates presented, often three, counts as one introduction if the client declines all of them. That exists to protect the firm from a client who refuses to meet anybody, and in that situation it is reasonable. It becomes a problem when the client never knew the clause was there.
Ask this: what specifically counts as an introduction, and is there any circumstance where candidates I decline count against my total?
Is There a Refund if the Search Does Not Work Out?
Usually no, or a limited one, and the reason is structural rather than mean spirited.
Most of the cost of a matchmaking engagement is incurred at the front. The intake interviews, the positioning work, the written brief, and the search itself all happen in the first weeks, drawing on a database that took years to build. By the time a client is unhappy, the firm has usually done most of what it was paid for.
Refund policies vary between firms and some are more generous than others, so this is worth asking rather than assuming. What is more useful in practice than a refund is the middle ground: a pause, an extension of the term, or a recalibration of the brief. Those are the outcomes most firms will actually offer, and they are far easier to agree in advance than in an argument.
Ask this: under what circumstances would you pause or extend my term at no additional cost, and what is your refund policy in writing?
What Is Verified About a Candidate, and What Is Self Reported?
Most of it is self reported. That is true across the whole industry, including at the top of the market, and any firm telling you otherwise is overstating what it does.
What firms genuinely check varies. Many use public tools such as LinkedIn or a background service, which is real verification of some things and easily gamed on others. Some will refer you to a private investigation firm if you want a candidate properly checked, usually at your cost. And some do the thing that works best without any technology at all, which is asking pointed questions and listening to how they are answered. If someone says they are divorced, a matchmaker can ask when the court date was. The answer, and the speed of it, tells you a great deal.
Ask this: which specific facts do you verify, how, and what should I assume is simply what the candidate told you?
Is There a Success Fee on Top of the Retainer?
Some firms charge one. It is not common, largely because success fees are hard to collect once a client is happily attached and no longer thinking about the contract.
Where they exist, the trigger is usually a milestone rather than a date: an exclusive relationship reaching a year, or an engagement or marriage. The amount and the trigger are both negotiable, and neither is standard.
A success fee is not a red flag on its own. It becomes one when it appears late in the conversation, or when the trigger is vague enough to argue about later.
Ask this: is there any fee beyond the retainer, what exactly triggers it, and how much is it?
Warning Signs at Any Price
These apply whether you are paying three thousand dollars or three hundred thousand.
A firm that promises whatever you ask for. If every requirement you name is met with enthusiasm and nothing is pushed back on, you are talking to someone closing a sale rather than assessing a search. A matchmaker who tells you which parts of your brief will be difficult is doing you a favor.
A guarantee of a relationship or a marriage. Nobody can promise this. A firm that does is describing an outcome it does not control.
"Award winning" or "number one matchmaker." There is no matchmaking industry awards body. No organization in this profession ranks firms or runs a competitive award. The badges you see come from marketing services that sell the same badge in every category, to plumbers and gyms and restaurants, on the same terms. Treat one as a paid advertisement, because that is exactly what it is.
A contract you cannot take away to read. Any pressure to sign in the room is a reason not to.
Success rates cited with no methodology. Ask what the denominator is. There is no audited measure of success anywhere in this profession, so a number without a method behind it is a marketing figure.
A refusal to name the person who will run your search. Back to the top of this page. This is the one that costs clients the most.
Next: what a matchmaker costs in 2026, or whether a matchmaker is worth it for you.